Part Of Me Dies

On page 70, Saidu, one of the boys says, “How many more times do we have to come to terms with death before we find safety?” He goes on to say, “Every time people come at us with the intention of killing us, I close my eyes and wait for death. Even thought I am still alive, I feel like each time I accept death, part of me dies. Very soon I will completely die and all that will be left is my empty body walking with you. It will be quieter than I am.”

Humans have the ability to adapt to their situations. We are wired to adjust to what is thrown at us in a way that will best protect us. In the situation Saidu describes, he is faced with what he believes to be the ending of his life. The way he instinctually protects himself is by coming to terms with it, by accepting his death. Once one accepts their death they cannot fully recover. To accept death is to devalue your future. This is a scarring action. Each time one accepts death a part of them, in a sense, does die. A necessary component to living is the value you place on your future. We have all heard the phrase “Which does not kill us makes us stronger”. These hardships may have made Saidu stronger, but who said stronger was a good thing? In adapting to these unfavorable situations Saidu’s innocence and free spirit has been killed. And as his hope for the future and value of life slowly diminishes with every near-death experience, he is slowly being killed. In this case strength has done nothing but weigh down this poor mistreated soul and callous his spirit.

All Strangers Are Enemies

  Beah writes, “This was one of the consequences of the civil war. People stopped trusting each other, and every stranger became an enemy”(Pg. 37, A Long Way Gone).  
I tried to think of a time when I experienced this feeling. My mind lead me back to a time when I was much younger. My mother used to force me to go to a Korean Saturday School, this way I could learn the language and learn a little about my heritage. I am half Korean and when I showed up I stuck out like a sore thumb among all the “100%” Koreans. They had all been raised in households less Americanized than mine and many of them could already speak the language quite well. I felt very left out and very excluded, nobody talked to me and frankly I didn’t really want to talk to them. They scared me and I had my mind made up that I didn’t like them. I had this feeling that they were all my enemies. I felt like I didn’t fit in, and they didn’t like me, and all I wanted to do was leave. Now that I look back this seems very immature of me and I wish I would have tried to make friends. But, I can sympathize with my 10 year old self and understand how feeling that I was different could cause me to react in this way. 
The case that Ishmael speaks of is very different than mine. It is a similar feeling but on a different more serious level. There are times in “A Long Way Gone” where we see this behavior. When the boys sneak back into Mattru Jong to find money for food, a situation like this occurs. “At one point, as soon as we had crossed the road, we heard footsteps. There was no immediate cover, so we had to swiftly run onto a verandah and hide behind stacks of cement bricks”(pg. 27, A Long Way Gone). The boys have no clue who might be approaching, but they scramble for cover assuming that whoever it is, is a threat and an enemy. There is no trust among people here. All strangers are enemies. 

Consolation

             While Ishmael is in the bush, similarities to his old life console him. The moon is something that reminds him of how things used to be. It still shines the same way and makes the same shapes. It’s there every night just like it was years ago. Ishmael’s grandmother had explained to him why the moon was something one should strive for, as the old man in Kabari would say. The moon “served to remind people to always be on their best behavior and to be good to others”(pg. 15). So the moon not only reminded Ishmael of a more peaceful time in his life but it reminded him of who he was and who he wanted to be. Keeping a sense of identity during this time was crucial and very difficult. The moon served as a constant reference point of what good was and of what he should strive for even in this time of extreme difficulty. During hard times, I myself have things that console me. Comfort foods, things that remind me of good memories when I was little seem to console me. One of my favorites is warm white rice with butter, a seemingly strange combination that never fails to warm my insides. Something else I turn to for consolation is music. I play piano and I know no matter what I am going through that instrument will always be there. The chords will sound the same and provide the same therapeutic, mind-clearing melodies. And even when I feel helpless, the ability to makes music gives me a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Of course my hard times are nowhere near comparison to the atrocities that Ishmael has undergone. But, I believe it is human nature to establish things in your life that can console you. 

Soldier Child Documentary

The documentary, Soldier Child, released in 1998, tells about the attrocities endured by these abducted children. Such a heavy issue leaves one sometimes feeling lost. I know, personally, my initial reaction to the documentary and the issue in general was a feeling of helplessness. I asked my self, what could one person over here possibly do to help those 12,000 innocent children that have been forced into the Lord's Resistance Army, and even more the society that has been so brutally affected and reshaped by these attrocities? Uganda is more than 7,000 miles away. When you hear of such inhumane acts being carried out, often you cannot help but to lose a little faith in the human race. It is disheartening and depressing to know of the terrible crimes committed. After watching this documentary I feel in a strange way, somewhat reassured. The documentary was far from happy or anything in that realm. But, it did show that people are trying to help and solve the problem. It was reassuring to know that there are places such as Gusco Rehabilitation center that are at least trying to do some good, and help these poor children get their lives back. I don't think there was a point in the movie where I could truly empathize with the children. I can barely wrap my head around the things they have gone through, let alone try and imagine and understand what it must be and feel like. The stories they told were mind-opening. There was one boy in particular who told of how he was forced to kill someone with a hoe for digging. This was especially appalling to me, and just thinking about it leaves me disgusted. What really made this boy stand out to me, was that he was eleven. My younger brother is eleven as well and it is horrifying for me to think of his innocence being stolen in such a way. Joseph Kony must be stopped. We cannot standby and permit these attrocities. Hopefully as I learn more about this issue I will learn more on what I can do to help stop this.

Introduction

Hi I'm Leah! I'm a high school student studying the atrocities faced by child soldiers. The main focus of my study is the memoir of Ishmael Beah, A Long Way Gone. Join me as I learn about the troubling truth that far too many call reality.